Whirlwind Cowboy Page 20

  “Thanks, Reverend.”

  With one last puzzled look at them, he tipped his hat to Deborah and squeezed Bram’s shoulder on the way past.

  Her expression perplexed, Deborah eased closer to Bram. “I know you thought I should challenge their decision, but I didn’t. Did you?”

  “Not exactly,” he muttered.

  “I don’t understand why they would change their minds. The letter they sent releasing me from my contract was clear and to the point. It sounded nonnegotiable.”

  Once he explained, she would be glad. And he would be forced to let her go, damn it.

  Snagging her hand, he tugged her toward the church. “Let’s go talk in here.”

  She walked up the church steps with him and preceded Bram through the open door. Though out of the sun, it was still hot. Pulling a handkerchief from her pocket, she dabbed at her sweat-dampened forehead and chest.

  Things were starting to fall into place and she didn’t like where they were landing. She sank into the nearest pew. “Please tell me what you did.”

  “It wasn’t anything bad.” She turned toward him and he sat in the pew behind her where he could see her face. “The night you showed me the letter from the school board, you looked as though part of you had died.”

  “Yes, but then I was fine with their decision.”

  “No, you weren’t,” he said tightly. “The school board had no way of knowing you and I had become engaged, which likely would’ve kept them from calling your character into question in the first place. I knew there wasn’t much I could do about it, but I thought a letter from the reverend might at least clear your name.”

  She frowned. “So you asked him to write?”

  “Yes.”

  “Did you think they would offer me the job again? Did he ask them to do that? Is that what you hoped for? That I would leave?”

  Yes, he started to say, but he sensed a trap. “It shouldn’t have been taken from you.”

  “I made a decision, Bram. Yes, it came from a bad circumstance, but I made the choice I wanted to.”

  “And I know you did that for me.”

  “For us.” She shook her head. “We lost a lot of time together because I was so hardheaded about it to start with.”

  “I made you choose.”

  “You didn’t. You proposed.”

  “Then demanded you decide whether you would take the job or stay with me. Two months ago, you chose what you really wanted and I think you should have it. The look on your face...” The pain in his eyes touched her. “I never want to see you like that again.”

  She huffed out a breath. “First you don’t want me to go. Now you do.”

  “I wouldn’t say I want you to go.”

  “Well, you’re trying to talk me into taking the job that came between us in the first place.”

  “It might be fine for you not to teach at first. Maybe for a month, maybe for a year. But, Deborah, you are a teacher. Even if you say you want to walk away from it, you don’t.”

  “I guess I know what I want.” She angled her chin at him.

  “You’ll miss it.” He surged to his feet and went to the front door, staring blankly at the wagon parked in front of Haskell’s. “Then you’ll start to wish you could do it. Then you’ll start to resent me because you’ll feel obligated to stay with me. I don’t want that.”

  It was a nice thing for him to have done. A selfless thing. But something just didn’t fit for Deborah. “You don’t trust me to know what I want. Haven’t we talked about this before?”

  “Of course I trust you to know what you want.” He slashed a hand through the air, turning back to her. “I think you want to teach and you won’t admit it. That’s what makes you happy.”

  “You are what makes me happy, you crazy man.”

  “For a while, maybe. I just don’t want you to be unhappy.”

  “What do you think this conversation is doing to me? I thought you wanted us to be together. After last night, I thought we were together. Do you not want that?”

  He scowled. “That’s loco.”

  “Is it?” She thought about last night and how special it had been for her. She’d thought it had been special for him, too. He’d said last night that he wanted them to be together, that he wanted...

  She mentally replayed their conversation in the hall. She’d asked him to stay the night. When he hesitated, she’d realized he might not feel the way she did.

  I’ve been assuming that if I stayed in Whirlwind, she’d said, you and I would be together again. Together in truth. But you may not want that. You may not want me.

  Deborah’s breath backed up in her chest. All he’d said was he wanted her. He’d never said he wanted them to reconcile. He had never once said he wanted a future with her, never once said he believed they had one.

  She was the one who had said those things and her mind had jumped ahead, assuming he wanted them the way she did.

  He didn’t want to tie himself to her. He was waiting for her to leave, just like his mother.

  Deborah realized he’d spoken and she dragged her attention to him.

  “I’m not trying to hurt you. I thought what I did was a good thing.”

  “Even if I don’t want it?”

  “I don’t think you’ll be able to live with the choice you made.”

  “You mean you won’t be able to live with it.”

  He went still, just stared at her.

  “You’ll always be wondering if I’ll leave,” she said, getting to her feet. Her heart felt as if it were being carved out of her chest. “Waiting for me to go. So instead of trusting me to stay, you’re getting rid of me yourself.”

  “I did this for you.”

  “You did it for yourself,” she snapped. “This way, you won’t have to wait and wonder if one day you’ll wake up and I’ll be gone.”

  He yanked off his hat, shoving a hand through his hair. “Why can’t you understand?”

  “I do understand. Regardless of what I say or do to prove differently, you think I’ll leave. You expect me to. That isn’t trust, Bram.

  “I’ve given you all of myself.” She realized tears were running down her cheeks and she swiped at them angrily. “But you haven’t done the same for me. Why can’t you just admit you don’t trust me?”

  “Why can’t you admit what you really want?”

  “I have admitted it,” she yelled. “And you think it’s a lie!”

  “I’m not having you give up a life you’ve wanted. Not for me. I don’t want you resenting me for that someday.”

  “The real crux of the matter is that you think I’ll leave you. This way, you won’t have to wonder.”

  She started out the door.

  “Where are you going?”

  “Home. I’ll ask your brother for a ride or rent a buggy from Pete.”

  “You can get that notion out of your head right now. I said I wouldn’t let Cosgrove hurt you and I meant it.”

  “There’s no way he could hurt me as badly as you just did.” She walked out the door, not caring whether he followed or not.

  * * *

  What the hell had just happened? For a moment Bram stared after her, his head spinning. His teeth clenched so tight he thought he might break a tooth.

  Seeing her march past Annalise’s clinic and go in the direction of the livery jolted him into action. Right now they both wanted space. Unfortunately, neither of them was getting it, because she wasn’t going anywhere without him.

  He stalked out the door and down the church steps, easily catching up to her with his long strides. A faint whiff of her fresh scent reached him.

  The sun beat down, glinting almost blue in her raven hair. She looked straight ahead, her face flushed with anger,
her jaw set. Little puffs of red dust swirled around her skirts.

  From the corner of his eye Bram caught a movement and glanced over. Jericho was walking down the hill from his house, coming into town between the Whirlwind Hotel and the church.

  Deborah saw him, too, and angled back, making a beeline straight for him. Bram groaned inwardly. He reached them in time to hear Deborah ask her brother to drive her home.

  The former Ranger frowned, shot a look at Bram. Before he could say anything or explain, Deborah tugged Jericho down to her and spoke.

  The man straightened, his silver gaze leveling on Bram’s. “Whatever’s going on is between the two of you and I won’t interfere, but she’s pretty upset.”

  Bram expected Jericho to demand an explanation. Instead, he added, “It would probably be better if I drove her home.”

  Bram wanted to argue. He didn’t cotton to the idea of not taking her himself, but Jericho was the one man Bram trusted to protect her as vigilantly as he would. Besides, he knew by that stubborn locked angle to her jaw that she wasn’t coming with him, no matter what.

  His fists clenched at his sides. “All right.”

  “I’ll check in with Duffy. Make sure he has nothing to report.”

  “Okay.” His focus shifted to Deborah. “I’ll be at your house for my shift at six o’clock.”

  Jericho acknowledged the words with a nod. His sister said nothing.

  Which went all over Bram. This whole thing went all over him. Dad-burned female!

  * * *

  Still fuming an hour later, Bram drove into his barn and unhitched the palomino from the buggy. Last night he and Deborah had been in bed together. Reconciled. Now they were nothing.

  Between their trip to Monaco and the way they’d spent last night, Bram hadn’t slept much in the past twenty-four hours. Still, he knew he wouldn’t be able to close his eyes. He was too blistered up.

  Removing the horse harness and collar with jerky angry movements, he returned the tack to its place on the wall. He didn’t understand and he sure as hell didn’t appreciate being accused of trying to get rid of her when his aim had been to help her.

  She wouldn’t help herself. Hell, she wouldn’t even admit what she wanted.

  All he’d done was try to fight for her, challenge the unfair actions of the school board. They should’ve at least let her defend herself against what they’d heard. She wouldn’t do it, so Bram had. Evidently he was an idiot, because he couldn’t fathom how she viewed his good deed as bad.

  A little voice chided him, but he ignored it.

  The smells of hay and dirt and horseflesh calmed him somewhat. Just as he began brushing down the mare, he heard the rattle of wagon wheels. His family was home.

  Back in Whirlwind, Bram had told Jake that he and Deborah had changed their minds about eating in town and were going home. He’d left in the buggy. She had gone with her brother. Everyone in the Ross clan—hell, probably the whole town—knew something was wrong; they just didn’t know what.

  As Jake braked the wagon in front of the barn, Bram tossed the horse brush into the nearby bucket and went to help.

  Georgia made it out of the buckboard on her own. All Ike needed was a shoulder to balance on as he carefully planted his feet on the ground. Bram took Molly so Jake could help Emma down. When he returned the little girl, she snuggled into the blonde’s neck, her eyes sleepy.

  His sister-in-law put a hand on Bram’s arm. “Are you okay?”

  “Sure,” he said gruffly.

  He could feel the others watching as her green eyes searched his. “Is everything going to be all right between you and Deborah?”

  “I don’t know.” The calm words belied the churning in his gut.

  “It was obvious the two of you had words,” Ike said.

  “Yes, sir.” He didn’t trust himself to say more.

  “I’m sorry, Bram,” Georgia said. “I thought things would work out this time.”

  He didn’t know what he’d thought.

  “What happened?” Jake asked.

  Bram hesitated. He wasn’t exactly sure.

  “Jake, he may not want to tell everyone.” Compassion filled Emma’s eyes. “Just know that we’ll be here if you need anything.”

  “Thanks.” He gave her a quick hug, watching as she followed Ike and Georgia out the barn door and to the house.

  Temper barely in check, he helped Jake with the wagon. As they backed the horses up, guiding the buckboard into its spot against the outside wall of the barn, his brother didn’t speak. Didn’t say anything when they unhitched the animals and took off their collars and harnesses. Bram led both bays to the water trough just outside the barn door.

  He left the horses to drink as he went back inside. He dragged his forearm across his perspiring brow and moved to the mare’s other side with his brush, his strokes smooth and long.

  Jake hung the leather collars on their pegs along the wall. Sliding a look at Bram, he asked quietly, “Wanna talk about it?”

  He paused in midstroke, his fury gathering again. “I tried to do something nice for Deborah and she took it the wrong way.”

  “Nice like what?”

  Outside Bram and her family, no one knew about her losing her job, but Bram trusted Jake to keep the information to himself. “Last week, she told me she wasn’t sure she wanted to teach anymore.”

  His brother frowned.

  “I didn’t believe it either,” Bram said ruefully. “Two days later she received a letter from the school board in Abilene, breaking their contract with her because they don’t hire women of low moral character.”

  Just saying the words spurred his temper higher.

  In the process of draping harness straps over the rail that ran the length of the wall below the collars, his brother stopped.

  Jake stared at Bram with the same disbelief he had felt upon seeing the letter. “Where’d they get that fool idea?”

  “They learned that she recently spent the night alone with a man.”

  “From Millie.” His brother’s dark eyes hardened.

  “It had to be.” Bram rested his brush on the palomino’s back. “You should’ve seen Deborah’s face, Jake. I’ve never seen her like that. She looked hollow, like...all hell come undone.”

  “I imagine so.”

  “She cried hard for a bit, then pulled herself together and told me she didn’t know why she was so upset, since she wasn’t sure she still wanted to teach.”

  “Just like that?”

  “Yes. What the school board did was wrong. I told her she should challenge it, but she didn’t agree. You know why she didn’t want to?” Yanking off his hat, he shoved a hand through his hair. “Because she might have to name me as the man who’d been with her in the cabin and drag my name through the mud!”

  His brother’s eyes widened.

  “I wanted to ride straight for Abilene, but being as I was the man who ruined her, I knew anything I said wouldn’t have much weight.”

  Jake studied him. “Still, you did something.”

  Crushing his hat, Bram paced to the other side of the barn. “I asked Reverend Scoggins to write the school board and tell them that the man Deborah had spent the night with was her fiancé. That the reason we were in the cabin was because of the dust storm. Scoggins was happy to write the letter, although he didn’t know if it would help.”

  Bram walked back and forth in front of the ladder leading up to the loft. The mare turned her head, watching him warily.

  Jake leaned one shoulder against the wall. “I take it you didn’t tell Deborah you’d done this.”

  “No. What was the point? There was no way to know how the school board would react. Or if they would even read the letter.”

  “True.”

&nbs
p; “Today she received another letter from the school board.” Bram jammed his hat back onto his head. “They’ve rescinded their decision. They apologized and offered her the job again.”

  “And she’s going to take it?”

  “We didn’t get that far, but I thought she’d want to take it. That sure isn’t how she acted.” He braced his hands on his hips. “Hell, I tried to do something special for her and she threw it back in my face. She wasn’t one bit grateful.”

  “What was she?”

  “Mad.” The sadness in her eyes, the disappointment, had taken him by surprise, but the betrayal in her blue eyes had reached in and twisted his heart. “Hurt.”

  Jake was silent for a moment. “Maybe she really doesn’t want to teach.”

  “Two months ago, she wanted it badly enough that she was ready to leave me in order to take that job.” Bram shook his head. “Right now we’re both focused on Cosgrove. What happens after he’s been dealt with? I don’t think she’ll be able to live with the choice she’s made.”

  “Did you tell her so?”

  “Yes. The woman is a born teacher and she wants to do it. She wants it more than anything.”

  “Even more than she wants you?”

  “Yes, although she won’t admit it.” Bram knew she had feelings for him. There was no way she could’ve faked the love that had been in her eyes when he’d been deep inside her. But he didn’t believe she was being honest about the job she’d spent so much time preparing for.

  “She accused me of meddling in her affairs and said I’d only done it to get her out of town.”

  A shrewd light flashed through his brother’s eyes. “Did you?”

  Bram stopped short, frowning. “What kind of question is that?”

  The other man chose his words carefully. “Ma left and never came back. Are you afraid Deborah might do the same?”

  “I just told you—”

  “Answer me.”

  After a long pause, in which he wanted to tell his brother to leave it be, he finally nodded. “Yes.”

  Deep down, where only Deborah seemed to know him, Bram couldn’t deny that as much as he hated the thought of her leaving, he also would’ve accepted it. Because then he would have known for certain that she was out of his life. He wouldn’t have had to wonder if she would abandon him.